I think I’m a People Pleaser and it’s Causing me Anxiety…How Do I Manage? – Bethesda Anxiety Therapy

by | Jun 8, 2022 | Anxiety, Mental Health

Bethesda-Anxiety-Therapy

In general, being a kind and helpful person is certainly not a bad thing. However, for some of the clients that I see as a Bethesda anxiety therapist, they tend to go above and beyond to please others at the cost of their own well-being. When we put the needs of those around us above our own, it can leave us feeling emotionally depleted, stressed, and of course, anxious.

There are many reasons a person may identify with being a people pleaser. This is something we aim to uncover in sessions with the support of Bethesda Anxiety Therapist.

Sometimes we want to avoid conflict or have a fear of rejection. Other times, we were raised with cultural expectations that the needs of others should be prioritized over our own. Getting lost in taking care of everyone else, or feeling like you HAVE to say yes to everything, means you often forget about your own self-care.

Here are some signs you may be a people pleaser, and it is contributing to your anxiety:

  • You have a difficult time saying “no”, and when you do, you feel immense guilt.
  • You worry about what others may think of you.
  • You feel the need to earn other people’s approval for them to like you.
  • You rarely have free time because you are always doing things for others.
  • You neglect your own needs and self-care.

I THINK I’M A PEOPLE PLEASER AND IT’S CAUSING MY ANXIETY…HOW DO I MANAGE?

So maybe you have identified with a few of the bullet points above, and are beginning to wonder if you are a people pleaser and it is contributing to your anxiety. As a Bethesda Anxiety Therapist, here are a few suggestions on how to manage.

  1. Acknowledge that your needs are important. If you have ever been on an airplane, they will tell you in the safety demonstration that if there is a decompression and the mask drops from the ceiling, that you must secure your own oxygen mask before assisting others. This is an excellent analogy in everyday life as well! If we lack oxygen and become incapacitated on the airplane, we are of no use and cannot help others.
  1. Refrain from saying YES to everything right away…and even even consider just saying no. I understand it can be difficult to say no at first. So instead maybe offer something like, “I really appreciate this invite! Do you mind if I just double check my calendar before I get back to you?” Stalling for a little bit more time will give you an opportunity to think about whether or not this is something you can take on. You may even recognize that making the commitment would take away from your own needs or stretch you too thin.
  1. Establish Boundaries. It’s important to know your limits. Be clear and specific when you communicate those limits to others. This may even mean mapping out your own self-care first-scheduling your appointments with a Bethesda Anxiety Therapist, your monthly massage, and sessions with your trainer- then working in everything else around that.

Remember, there IS a difference between being kind and helpful, and being a people pleaser. Being thoughtful and caring, returning a favor, or a desire to be helpful are all really great qualities. But consider if you are doing something out of fear of rejection, or to get approval from others. Chances are, if you evaluate your intentions and motivations, you can learn whether or not you are a people pleaser. If you would like to explore this more, or if you feel people pleasing is causing your anxiety, contact a Bethesda Anxiety Therapist today.